Have you ever thought about how much time and energy you’ve spent trying to avoid a confrontation?
I’m not talking about for physical safety purposes. I’m talking emotionally. Energetically. Relationally.
In a world where we can use AI to zoom past the journey and get to a destination by simply typing in prompts, we’ve lost a sense of accepting and learning from discomfort.
Discomfort is an opportunity.
Discomfort is a tool. It’s a teacher. It’s here to tell us something about ourselves. Or a situation. Or a person.
Without it, there’s no growth.
You can’t go to the gym and expect to get stronger by only lifting weights that your body can already handle.
So why do we think we’ll experience the fullness of humanity by only doing things that are easy?
On the other side of discomfort is growth. It’s learning. The next level. Exciting new adventures await. And an overwhelming amount of new types of discomfort. It’s both. So is everything worthwhile. Both and. Not either or.
Believe me, I get it.
I’m a recovering people pleaser. I don’t like discomfort. I don’t prefer it. It’s not written in my DNA. Nor does it feel safe in my natural programming.
That’s why I have a method to get me through it. It’s a bit of a palindrome. Or a mobius strip, for the nerds out there.
It’s simply this: Listen, Breathe, Accept, BE BRAVE, Accept, Breathe, Listen.
Lather, wash, repeat, as they say in the shampoo biz.
I listen to my body’s signals. The cues it’s giving me. I ask where the anxiety is living. What does it feel like? How does it show up in me specifically in this moment?
Next I breathe. I take time to actually breathe into the anxious places. I take purposely deeper breaths. Sometimes I put a hand on a spot that feels good, like my heart. I hold a lot of energy in my hands, so sometimes I shake them out.
Once I’m ready, I accept. I accept that fact that this conversation has to happen.The reality is, I am in this situation. There is something here that must be learned.
It may feel like a small choice, but the acceptance allows me to be more in flow rather than continuing to hold resentment towards the person or situation.
Now comes the hardest part.
Then, when the time is right, I have to muster up all my energy to be brave. This is the hardest. But by labeling and recognizing that I am choosing to be brave, it helps me get through it. I may not want to, but I can overcome. I’ve already accepted I’m here and am in touch with my body. So now comes the times to act.
Afterwards, we move backwards.
I accept the outcome of whatever happened. Feeling were hurt. Ties were cut. Maybe something was repaired. Big feelings were felt. Repercussions may still be lingering. Someone may not like you. So be it.
I breathe. I let it go. From this place of acceptance, I take some time to get back in touch with myself. I get back to some form of regulation.
And, finally, I listen. I listen to my own gut. I trust that I made the right choice.
Most importantly, I trust myself to know how to do it again if (let’s be real when) I have to.
I don’t want to do this every day. But I do want to live my life fully. And that means not shying away for moments when I have to do this.
So be it.
